Summer Weddings

If you're like me you've noticed that everyone around you is getting married.  Tis' the season for wedding bells.  For most retailers the peak of their sales occur during the holiday season, but in the wedding industry 'Bridal Christmas' happens between March-July.  This is the time everyone wants to get married, possibly because its usually the time where it's not too hot or cold to have an outdoor wedding.  With summer weddings you can expect to see a lot of bright colors and interesting floral arrangements because this is the time everything is in bloom.  Here are just a few pics of recent trends I've noticed.  It looks like a real shabby-chic style with lots of vintage accents.

Special Occasion

The first thing to do when planning your dream wedding is to figure out what type of occasion you want it to be.  There are many different themes ranging from formal to laid back and casual.  Think about your personality, are you the type of couple who likes structure and status, or are you the nonchalant laissez faire type? The worst thing you could do is try to force a particular style on yourself when it doesn't feel natural.  Here are a few example of weddings, once you have chosen one everything else begins to flow naturally.

White Tie:
This is an extremely formal occasion where the men are instructed to where white ties, shirts, vests, and a black tuxedo.  The women are instructed to wear long formal dresses.

Black Tie:
This is a formal event where men where either a tuxedo or dark suit and women where either long or short formal dresses.

Cocktail:
This type gives a little more leeway  between formal and casusal.  Just think of it as what you would wear to church or a night out on the town.

Outdoor:
For these types of events there needs to be a happy medium between style and comfort.  Feel free to dress up in cute floral designs with flowy fabrics, and men can wear nice button downs with khakis.  Flip flops may even be a necessity on a beach.  Be mindful of the weather.  

Love Is In The Air

I'm not exactly sure what was going on in the cosmos over the weekend, but whatever it was it resulted in 10+ of my friends either getting engaged or married!  I suppose I just missed the memo that we were supposed to find our soul mate over the weekend, but none the less I am very happy for all of the lucky couples out there.  One in particular touches my heart in particular.  Now I'll admit that I was in complete disbelief when my cousin told me that her and her long-time boyfriend got married yesterday.  It wasn't so much that I never thought she would do such a thing, it's just that no one was given a heads up.  I still don't think her mother believes it, but it's true.  I approve because they are both great together and the reason they did it was for financial/legal reasons. Since all they did was basically sign a marriage license, I don't count it as a wedding.  Thus, I have been enlisted to help plan her real wedding that will take place a year from now.  Given that wedding planning is my part-time passion I was overjoyed.  In fact after I got over the initial shock I went straight into planner mode.  It's not often that someone in our family gets married so that makes this a very special occasion.  My heart goes out to all of the luck couples, and to my readers get ready for wedding themed posts!

Self Improvement

Hello Readers,
If you've been keeping up with my last few posts you know that I am on a mission to find a meaningful relationship.  The last couple steps I've taken have involved me taking a good hard look at myself and figuring out what I bring to the table.  This next step is also an introspective one:
Step 3: Self-Improvement
Now unless you are Jesus himself, there is room for improvement. This step is not meant for you to be harsh on yourself and make you dwell on your imperfections, but it is important that you are real with yourself.  Just like I had you write down all of your strengths, I want you to write down your weaknesses.  The goal of this step is to take initiative in making yourself a better half.  For example, let's say you have bad credit, your not in healthy physical condition, or you aren't very social, these are all issues that can be fixed with some time and effort.  There is never a obstacle so great that it cannot be overcome.  It helps if you at least recognize it is a problem, from there you can find ways to improve it. It's important to remember that not everything can be solved in a day, some things may take months or even years to fix, but once they are you will feel such a great sense of relief knowing that you overcame a great hurdle.

Ex.  Large amount of debt/Bad Credit:  get in contact with the bank or creditor and come up with a solution to minimize or eliminate your debt.  In this economy many people are having trouble and most companies are willing to work with you.  Make sure to have a reliable source of income and most importantly make a budget for yourself and STICK TO IT!!! You also want to pay yourself first by putting at least 10% in a savings account that can be used for emergencies.

It's vital that you remember that no matter how bad your situation may seem it can be fixed.

Know Your Role

In my last post I introduced some of the steps I'm taking in order to find a meaningful relationship.  Step one was to play up your strengths, I made this the first step because it can be so easy to fall into a negative mindset when thinking of why you're single, this way you are encouraged to think of the positive before even having time to get depressed.  As I sat to make a list of good things about myself I realized that I'm a catch... This is not to sound cocky, but to get you to understand that you are in fact worth it!  Too often I am surrounded my beautiful, intelligent, and successful women who feel that the reason they're single is because they simply aren't qualified.  This couldn't be farther from the truth, the problem isn't in what you lack, but in how you present yourself.  Lacking confidence is the equivalent of smelling like the falafel you had for lunch, you may not realize it, but everyone can smell you.  It's became apparent to me that a good portion of the steps I'm taking aren't necessarily to snag any man I choose, but to make myself a person any man would be proud to call his woman.  After all getting the man is the easy part, it's keeping him that's the challenge.  But don't worry if you follow these steps like I am the man will want to stay.

Step Two:  Know Your Role
Before you even get into a relationship it is important to know what type of woman you are and what type of woman you plan to be for a man.  Let's face it, not everyone is meant to be wifed up, but if you truly feel it's something you deserve, then proclaim it.  Now just because you think you deserve to be someone's girlfriend/wife doesn't mean every man is going to see you that way.  There's nothing wrong with going out and having fun by all means do you! But if you want to be taken serious as a contender for love you have to walk the walk.  The fact is that it's not the wife you see up on a table top shaking for change... you are only offered one first impression, and if you mess that up most people aren't willing to stick around to see what else you offer.  So the homework assignment for tonight is to take a deep look inside and figure out if you're looking for fun or looking for love.  Both are acceptable decisions, but they have very different paths and end results.

Play Up Your Strengths

I have to make a confession.... I was unaware that the dates of Cuffing Season have been changed.  Is is just me or is everyone I meet or already know is either in a relationship, married, having a baby, or anything else that does not indicate being single? The whole thing has had me in a funk the last few weeks because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I'm the last single friend...  As hard as I try I can't shake the feeling that this is depressing news and that I need to take some serious steps to ensure that it doesn't stay this way for long.  Now I'll admit that I haven't been giving relationships a serious thought for quite some time now because I've been solely focused on school, work, networking for my future, trying to remain somewhat social, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Wow, when I write it all out like that it really is a lot, but despite all of that I do know that I need to put some effort into dating because chances are that my dream man will not just fall into my lap.  I'm attempting to come up with a few steps that will ensure that I'm giving myself the best chance at finding someone special.  I might not have the whole series worked out yet, but here is what I have so far.

Step 1:  Play Up Your Strengths

The idea behind this is that no one knows what you do best like you do, and if you're not sure what your strengths are ask someone close to you.  Next you should post them somewhere that you'll see them everyday.  It's the best way I know how to ensure that you won't get down on yourself and think that you have nothing to offer.  And on the off chance you have no strengths work on getting some.  After all, you can't be a full half then any relationship you do get in will never be a whole one.

M.R.S. Degree

As I've gotten older, my observation skills have become more keen to people's characteristics.  I'm able to look at a person and depending on what they're wearing, how they talk, and how they carry themselves I can tell what they're there for.  This is especially evident on a college campus or in the workplace.  Women in particular seem to broadcast their intentions to the public more than men.  For example, it's a Tuesday morning on campus and you see a girl with a full face of makeup, hair whipped, and heels on in your 8am lecture... you already know that she didn't come for books alone.  There are special class of women that come to college or get certain jobs for one specific reason... To get a HUSBAND!  Otherwise known as a M.R.S. Degree.  Now I am in no way knocking these individuals because in theory it makes perfect sense.  In order to attract the most suitable partner one must surround herself with proper suitors.  A college campus is prime hunting grounds for finding a mate because it's assured that the men are educated and ambitious with a likely chance of finding a good paying job after graduation.  The purpose of this post is to inform the rest of you women out there that went to college to make something of yourself that if you plan on finding love in this environment that you need to know your competition.  It's safe to say that women today want it all, a successful career, and loving husband, good kids, and great friends, but with the number of bonafide men dwindling down it is important to know that you have to compete with women who are willing to overlook the degree for love.
Mrs Degree: 

noun: pejorative
1. A marriage as a result of attending a 4-year university with the soul purpose of getting married and consequently not completing college.
2. The attending of college, usually a 4-year university of moderate to high prestige, to get married to avoid independence or responsibility.
3. To go from one's parent's home to the home of a spouse with out ever achieving emotional or financial independence, or academic success.

Here are a few tips on how to spot this woman:

• you never see her without makeup
• unless she is in the gym she is not wearing yoga pants
• makes her presence known to all males upon arrival
• is willing to cook/clean a man's place without being asked (playing the domestic role)
• comes across as a damsel in distress (always the victim- men love to rescue women)

Now I know some of you will read this list and a woman's face will instantly pop into your head, others may look at the list and realize you fall into the category as well, if either of these is the case that's perfectly fine.  The reason I wrote this post is to inform all parties that it is a serious competition to get the life you want and in order to win, you need to know your strengths and put your best pedicured foot forward.

Relationship Status

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are really interested in someone and seem to have great chemistry, just to find out that they are in a relationship?  I hate it when I make an effort to get to know someone, realize we're actually compatible, try my best to flirt and try not to spill anything on my shirt all for a man that's already spoken for.  I feel like people should walk around with signs or something that let you know if they're in a relationship, looking for one, if they're interested in you or not, and whether it would even be worth your time.  It would save a lot of time and effort on my part.  When it comes to dating I'm usually at a loss.  I can never figure out if a guy likes me or not, and if I like a guy I tend to either come on too strong or seem too cold.  I need a manual.  Now I won't say that I need to go on Tough Love like some of my friends would suggest, but I could use some guidance. I could also use a larger pool of guys to choose from, but I'll stick with the basics for now lol.  Everyone needs to take it upon themselves to inform the people around them whether they're taken or not.  Unfortunately for single girls it seems that all the good ones have been claimed already, but we can't give up.  I'll just have to chalk my last encounter up as a loss because I'm not one to actively seek out a taken man.  But I will say this, these girls out here in relationships better be happy I'm no homewrecker because Lord knows I can't say the same for others.

90 Day Rule for the birds?

At this point I'm sure that everyone knows about Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. For those of you who don't, it's a basic breakdown of the male POV on relationships and women.  I bought this book as soon as it came out, because like most women I considered myself clueless on how to interpret men's words and actions.  I was only like 20 at the time and whenever I needed advice on men I would run to my best male friend or my girlfriends, all of which were around the same age.  Through trial and error it became clear to me that none of us knew anything, and my male friend would tell me one thing about men, then contradict it with his actions.  Needless to say I was confused.  Any-who, a major topic of discussion was about sex.  Questions like: when is it ok to have it? does sex= a relationship? and how many people can one sleep with before being considered a hoe?  Lots of questions, with lots of responses, but none of them were quality answers.  In Harvey's book, he mentions the 90 day rule.  Basically, a woman should make a man wait 3 months before having sex with him.    He compares it being on a probationary period at a new job, where you aren't given full benefits until the 90 period is up.  In theory this makes sense.  Of course in our overtly sexual society 90 days can seem like 90 years, especially when compared to everything else that can be accessed instantly.  So the question is, Is 90 days too long or too short of a time to wait to have sex with someone?  The answer varies for different people.  I feel that it makes a decent guideline for people to go by, but it's important not to get caught up in the number of days, but instead focus on the quality of the days.  This time should be spent getting to know a person on a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level.  That means actually having conversations and spending time with one another.  Too often people are willing to settle on the shallow facts of a person, like are they in college, do they have a job, do they have kids, height, eye color, blah, blah, blah... When someone asks you about the person you're dating you should be able to tell them what type of person they are, not just what car they drive and how much money they have in the bank.  Now this process can vary in time depending on the couples' efficiency level.  Some questions like what are your long-term and short-term goals? can be answered on the first date.  The 90 day rule doesn't encourage you to sit around for 3 months doing nothing just to have sex as soon as the time is up and still not know what type of person you're dealing with.  The purpose would have been lost.  In the end, you can either take the rule or leave it, but if you are looking to start a relationship you have to at least know what type of person you are dealing with before you take such a big step ie. sex.  Also you have to remember that some people just ain't shit... it's a fact of life. #kanyeshrug

In the Process of Getting My M.R.S. Degree

Yes, yes, yes, I know... It has been a long time since i've had the time to blog about something. Well let me give you guys a quick overview of my life. I finished my junior year in college, but to much dismay I am now in academic purgatory so im taking classes at another college. I am now pursuing a degree in political science with a concentration in Urban Politics opposed to Chemistry. I started off single, got in a relationship, and now I'm single again. Along the way I've managed to maintain my close net of friends and gain a few new acquaintances. Now that I'm starting to get my life back on track I am in hot pursuit of getting my M.R.S. degree. Now I know what you're thinking... what the hell kind of program is that and where is it offered. Well my friends during some independent study I came across the term and it was often used to refer to women who went to college in the 1950's only to obtain a husband. You won't find this degree offered at your local state funded institutions of higher learning. No my friends this one can only be gained by finding yourself a bonafide husband! I've grown wearing of the casual dating thing... even though I haven't really gone casually dating in a really long time, nonetheless the concept of it all seems overrated. So I am now on the hunt! Just in case a few of you are interested in how to gain this special degree here are a few requirements:
-Must be able to handle domestic affairs
-Excellent Cook
-Impeccable house keeping
-Attractive (physically and personally)
-Socially Adored
and it would help to have a man in mind.
Good luck with your journeys ladies... I'll try my best to keep you updated with mine!!!