Special Occasion

The first thing to do when planning your dream wedding is to figure out what type of occasion you want it to be.  There are many different themes ranging from formal to laid back and casual.  Think about your personality, are you the type of couple who likes structure and status, or are you the nonchalant laissez faire type? The worst thing you could do is try to force a particular style on yourself when it doesn't feel natural.  Here are a few example of weddings, once you have chosen one everything else begins to flow naturally.

White Tie:
This is an extremely formal occasion where the men are instructed to where white ties, shirts, vests, and a black tuxedo.  The women are instructed to wear long formal dresses.

Black Tie:
This is a formal event where men where either a tuxedo or dark suit and women where either long or short formal dresses.

Cocktail:
This type gives a little more leeway  between formal and casusal.  Just think of it as what you would wear to church or a night out on the town.

Outdoor:
For these types of events there needs to be a happy medium between style and comfort.  Feel free to dress up in cute floral designs with flowy fabrics, and men can wear nice button downs with khakis.  Flip flops may even be a necessity on a beach.  Be mindful of the weather.  

Father's Day

Life Lessons

You may have thought I didn't see,
Or that I hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me,
But I got every word. Perhaps you thought I missed it all,
And that we'd grow apart,
But Dad, I picked up everything,
It's written on my heart. Without you, Dad, I wouldn't be
The (woman)(man) I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away. I've grown up with your values,
And I'm very glad I did;
So here's to you, dear father,
From your forever grateful kid. By Joanna Fuchs

Play Up Your Strengths

I have to make a confession.... I was unaware that the dates of Cuffing Season have been changed.  Is is just me or is everyone I meet or already know is either in a relationship, married, having a baby, or anything else that does not indicate being single? The whole thing has had me in a funk the last few weeks because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I'm the last single friend...  As hard as I try I can't shake the feeling that this is depressing news and that I need to take some serious steps to ensure that it doesn't stay this way for long.  Now I'll admit that I haven't been giving relationships a serious thought for quite some time now because I've been solely focused on school, work, networking for my future, trying to remain somewhat social, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Wow, when I write it all out like that it really is a lot, but despite all of that I do know that I need to put some effort into dating because chances are that my dream man will not just fall into my lap.  I'm attempting to come up with a few steps that will ensure that I'm giving myself the best chance at finding someone special.  I might not have the whole series worked out yet, but here is what I have so far.

Step 1:  Play Up Your Strengths

The idea behind this is that no one knows what you do best like you do, and if you're not sure what your strengths are ask someone close to you.  Next you should post them somewhere that you'll see them everyday.  It's the best way I know how to ensure that you won't get down on yourself and think that you have nothing to offer.  And on the off chance you have no strengths work on getting some.  After all, you can't be a full half then any relationship you do get in will never be a whole one.

M.R.S. Degree

As I've gotten older, my observation skills have become more keen to people's characteristics.  I'm able to look at a person and depending on what they're wearing, how they talk, and how they carry themselves I can tell what they're there for.  This is especially evident on a college campus or in the workplace.  Women in particular seem to broadcast their intentions to the public more than men.  For example, it's a Tuesday morning on campus and you see a girl with a full face of makeup, hair whipped, and heels on in your 8am lecture... you already know that she didn't come for books alone.  There are special class of women that come to college or get certain jobs for one specific reason... To get a HUSBAND!  Otherwise known as a M.R.S. Degree.  Now I am in no way knocking these individuals because in theory it makes perfect sense.  In order to attract the most suitable partner one must surround herself with proper suitors.  A college campus is prime hunting grounds for finding a mate because it's assured that the men are educated and ambitious with a likely chance of finding a good paying job after graduation.  The purpose of this post is to inform the rest of you women out there that went to college to make something of yourself that if you plan on finding love in this environment that you need to know your competition.  It's safe to say that women today want it all, a successful career, and loving husband, good kids, and great friends, but with the number of bonafide men dwindling down it is important to know that you have to compete with women who are willing to overlook the degree for love.
Mrs Degree: 

noun: pejorative
1. A marriage as a result of attending a 4-year university with the soul purpose of getting married and consequently not completing college.
2. The attending of college, usually a 4-year university of moderate to high prestige, to get married to avoid independence or responsibility.
3. To go from one's parent's home to the home of a spouse with out ever achieving emotional or financial independence, or academic success.

Here are a few tips on how to spot this woman:

• you never see her without makeup
• unless she is in the gym she is not wearing yoga pants
• makes her presence known to all males upon arrival
• is willing to cook/clean a man's place without being asked (playing the domestic role)
• comes across as a damsel in distress (always the victim- men love to rescue women)

Now I know some of you will read this list and a woman's face will instantly pop into your head, others may look at the list and realize you fall into the category as well, if either of these is the case that's perfectly fine.  The reason I wrote this post is to inform all parties that it is a serious competition to get the life you want and in order to win, you need to know your strengths and put your best pedicured foot forward.

West Coast Bound?

Now that I've had a chance to relax and review the past 10 days in my head I've made some decisions about where I'll be headed after graduation.  Now my long term goal is to move to Costa Rica, but until that time I'm setting my sights west.  The top priorities for the location are to have mild-warm weather year round, to not have a winter, a place where I could potentially start my skin and hair care business (or at least find a job in the field), and where I can get a nice place to live for a low price.  Now I know this pretty much eliminates a good chunk of California, especially the parts close to the beach, but I don't have to be in Hollywood to be happy.  When I was in Seattle I was on a mission to see the city's potential.  The first thing I noticed was how clean the air was.  Unlike in most California metro areas there was no smog.  The views were also incredible because the city sits right on the harbor plus it has the Cascade Mountains in the background.  The people there are very 'progressive'.  I use this term loosely because although there message is current, there clothing is not.  When I went down to Pike's Place (the market place) I was surrounded by hippies.  And these weren't the modern day hipsters I see around Chicago who share the same philosophy, but actually look like they bathe.  No these were the dirty hippies, with the white boys in dreadlocks.  Nonetheless I tried to look past their apparel and look at their lifestyles, so I turned to their food.  Everything to eat there was fresh!  From the seafood, to the breads and desserts everything was fresh.  I stopped in a restaurant to have a bite to eat with some friends of mine and I ordered the salmon burger.  Let me tell you that fish tasted like it was fresh out the water, I could taste the ocean in that burger and it was a good thing.  There were lots of vendors selling the latest gluten-free, organic, farm raised, locally owned produce and the best thing about it was that you could sample everything first.  By the time we left I had consumed a second meal in samples alone.  I was so inspired to get back in the kitchen to try and replicate some of the things I saw there.  The only downside to the food there was that they favored sushi to tacos, which is a sentiment I refuse to agree with.

Another thing I noticed was the weather, on my first day it was absolutely beautiful, but when I returned it was gray and rainy.  It wasn't even a downpour it was just drizzling all day and the local people told me this was their usual weather.  This was a big downer for me because I really like the sun.  I guess I have mixed feelings on the weather because on one hand I love sunshine, but on the other at least it isn't snow lol.  Thus the dilemma.  The land was also very hilly opposed to Illinois' very flat plains, but I think it enhanced the landscape and architecture. 

I left Seattle with mixed feelings which lets me know that I should keep looking.  My next stop in Washington will by in Olympia because that's where my friend Geoff lives and he claims to love it there, given there are less hippies and rain.  I also need to visit Oregon and California soon.  I've already seen what Arizona has to offer and I think that it's too hot with too much dessert, I prefer to have a little green.  At least I'm able to narrow it down a bit though.

Until next time...

Must I Really Say it again? Third Wheel = BAD!!!

Brand new city, brand new people, same old shitty situations one faces when surrounded by couples... Now first I want to point out that I am not a cynical and bitter single woman, because I'm not. I am a huge cheerleader for L-O-V-E (picture me here with my pom-poms). I think there is nothing greater than feeling so strongly about the person you're with that you simply want to share that with everyone around you. I get it! BUT, a line must be drawn at some point. Couples really need to understand that although their relationship may be awesome it can be a bit overwhelming for others, especially around their single peers. Speaking as a single, I don't want to see you doing certain things, saying certain things, or even at times being around me. I understand that at times you might think that you need to include your single friends as not to alienate them, but the only real soltion to this is to keep it separate but equal... (please don't look too into this). I know that it may seem more effiecient to kill two birds with one stone and have both parties joined together, but this causes a lack of quality time spent with both. Simply make time for both, there's time with your girls and time with your man, or vice versa. I don't want to make this too long and drawn out, because I've talked on this topic before. I'll just finish off with saying that anyone who tries to force their friends into third wheel situations need to be tarred, feathered, and strung up on display for everyone to see and taunt, but since that would just be all kinds of illegal I think I'm going to develop a website where we can post the couples guilty of this horrible crime.

Perpetual 'Friend-Zoner'

Looking back on all of my encounters with the opposite sex two things come to mind: 1) I tend to really like having them around 2) they tend to love having me around... AS A FRIEND!!! Anyone who has ever been placed in that 'Friend-Zone' spot knows exactly what I'm talking about. Well in my opinion this problem seems to only really get attention when it is coming from the guys point of view. When I was looking up some different articles discussing the 'Friend-Zone' it is almost always written by a guy who was placed in that position by a girl. Given that I am a female and not a male it is just kind-of hard to relate to all of their stories. My life story has been the 'friend', which sucks because it leaves me settling for guys who are sub-standard. I'm naturally a really nice person and it's always seemed easier to be friends with a guy over being friend with a girl because it always gave me less drama, that is until I started liking boys! I think it all started back in grade school, I had a best friend named Tasha and we were basically like sisters, we did everything together, played the same sports, liked the same music, went to the same summer camps. It was at these summer camps that I first realized that although to us it seemed that we did everything the same way, the boys would always try to get me to hook them up with her. They always liked her more even though we were soo alike! She would always have a boyfriend, and because her and the boy were always together that meant that he was always around the two of us (thus giving my exposure to third-wheeling). After hanging out with him he would always be like "man alicia you're soo cool" "alicia you're just a really great person" "alicia I really like hanging out with you because you just understand me" and this would continue even after the boy and tasha would break up. In my head it would have only been natural for the guy to want to be with me because he claimed to always like being around me, but no, instead he'd prefer to be in the relationship with my friend even when they started to hate each other. This scenario has been a constant in my life since then. And it really became a problem because stuff like that can mess with your self-esteem. Whenever a guy would finally show interest in me (usually sub-par men) i would feel compelled to give him a shot just because he's the only that will show interest at all. This is the cause of me having dated all of these 'Sherms'!!! I have finally decided to do something about this borderline disorder that I have so I came up with a few guidelines that should help:
-Stop being nice all the time
-Stop doing stuff for them that has no benefit to you
-Hang around with some other guys, maybe even get intimate with a few of them
-Start acting like you could care less if he likes you, or has sex with you
-Start teasing and being physically playful
-Make it clear from the beginning that you want more than just friendship
Of coarse this is not a guaranteed way to avoid and get out of the 'Friend Zone', but it is a start. It's kinda sad when I could almost got through my entire Rolodex and every male in there consider me to be a great 'Friend' but not actual 'girlfriend' material. Another thing that has to be kept in mind that perhaps with some people it is just best to walk away completely, because who really just wants to sit around listening to a guy complain about how horrible women are as if you aren't a woman yourself, or hear them talk about every conquest they've made. The fact is that some men will always and forever view you as nothing more than a friend. But there are some exceptions, sometimes it really is best to just stay friends especially if a genuine friendship has been forged during you stay in the 'Friend Zone'. This is perfectly fine as long as you realize that that is all it will be and can focus your attention on someone else.
Just keep in mind that though it may be hard and go against your nature, you can always leave the infamous 'Friend Zone' just be prepared to possibly lose a good friend.

Im Done with the Negative

This might seem somewhat like a vent, but yesterday when I was talking to my best mo our conversation left me feeling extra depressed about our human existence. Of coarse we were talking about the relationships between men and women and of coarse he took the position of the cynical bastard who has a negative opinion on everything that is women. Basically he was preaching that no one cares about anyone at all. That no matter what I do a man will always cheat on me just because he can, that all women lie and are controlling because it is just in their nature, that a happy relationship is impossible. Usually I just ignore what he is saying or just agree because he usually seems so convinced that this is the case and he will say it with such conviction that I would feel as though I have no choice, but to believe and agree with him. Every conversation with him would inevitably leave me drained with hopelessness about humanity. I'm not exactly sure what it was about my convo with him yesterday that opened my eyes to things, maybe it was the fact that he ate my food and drank my water and then told me that women are the downfall to society, but I have officially decided to stop really giving a hoot about his point of view. The simple fact of the matter is that he doesn't have everything figured out like he claims, that not every woman is a lying controlling manipulative bitch and that not every man lies and cheats and has a general disregard for people's feelings. There are good people in this world like me who are generally nice and do actually care and try our best to bring out the positive things in every situation. I'm naturally a very positive person! I had to sit back and analyze what it is that he said and why his point of view on women is sooo negative and I came to a conclusion. It's because he, like most men like him, has been jaded by loving someone who did him wrong!!!! It was mind blowing when I realized it. This man, who i have witnessed first hand mind fuck girls into thinking that he cares about them and that they should just do as he says, has been mind fucked himself. To this day, she continues to misconstrue his perception of females. As much as he wants to deny it there was once a time when even he openly cared about women, but through the years he's allowed himself to be guarded from caring about anyone else. After this revelation I decided to take his words for what they were... Bullshit!!! He knows just as much, if not less than me about how things are supposed to work between men and women. Men like him claim that chivalry is dead because we killed it, but the fact of the matter is that if they never messed with these unappreciative women (the ones good women usually warn them about) then this never would be an issue. I may come across as naive or just plain stupid to some as far as what I want in a man, and me wishing and having hope that one day I will find someone out there that is just right for me, but I least I still care. I was hurt before too, but I 'manned-up' and moved on. I know this may seem a little Gigi from "He just not that into you", and I know that life doesn't always work out the way it does in a movie, but people we still have to care. What fun is living in a world where your friends no longer care about each other. When I asked him the simple question of whether he cares about me or not, all he did was start rapping some song (all 3x that I asked). I'm not gonna lie it hurt, because I care. I do a lot for the people I care about and all I ever ask in return is for some appreciation (which really isn't much). All in all, if you don't take anything else from this rant, I want you to just remember this, Life and people are worth caring about... despite how often some people let you down. Not everyone gets to have a fairy tale love, but it happens enough for me to have hope that I can have that too.