Bad Timing

Have you ever come across someone that you hit it off with right away as if they're some sort of kindred spirit of yours, but the timing was just all wrong.  It's funny how you can go about living life without anything spectacular happening, i.e. when the time is perfect to be in a relationship, but no one really catches your eye.  But as soon as your life starts speeding up and you so many things to do with no where near enough time to do it BAM! You come across someone that makes put everything else on pause just to spend more time together.  When it comes to romance, I feel like more than just the standard compatibility, commitment, and honesty play a part in determining what makes a relationship work.  It also takes good timing.  It's not enough to simply like someone, you have to be willing to compromise and for me a lot of that compromise is taking time away from one thing and giving it to that person.  Now for some people this might not be much of an issue, but I just assume that those are the people with not a lot taking up their time.  For me, on the other hand, it proves to be a huge problem.  I'm in the midst of making major moves for my life, things that require my full and undivided attention, and it's just my luck that I find someone that I genuinely like.  Now considering that I've been single for quite some time now some people might think that this would be the best thing ever, but unfortunately it's just a little too late.  Now the question is do I just ride it out and see what happens next (which will likely be nothing) or do I just take that 'L' now?  It's really a shame... He actually has a lot of the qualities that I was looking for in a potential boyfriend, but alas the timing was just all bad.  Well at least now I have a better model of what I'm looking for, and I've gained some hope in knowing that what I want isn't completely unattainable.
Here's Hoping...

Special Occasion

The first thing to do when planning your dream wedding is to figure out what type of occasion you want it to be.  There are many different themes ranging from formal to laid back and casual.  Think about your personality, are you the type of couple who likes structure and status, or are you the nonchalant laissez faire type? The worst thing you could do is try to force a particular style on yourself when it doesn't feel natural.  Here are a few example of weddings, once you have chosen one everything else begins to flow naturally.

White Tie:
This is an extremely formal occasion where the men are instructed to where white ties, shirts, vests, and a black tuxedo.  The women are instructed to wear long formal dresses.

Black Tie:
This is a formal event where men where either a tuxedo or dark suit and women where either long or short formal dresses.

Cocktail:
This type gives a little more leeway  between formal and casusal.  Just think of it as what you would wear to church or a night out on the town.

Outdoor:
For these types of events there needs to be a happy medium between style and comfort.  Feel free to dress up in cute floral designs with flowy fabrics, and men can wear nice button downs with khakis.  Flip flops may even be a necessity on a beach.  Be mindful of the weather.  

Love Is In The Air

I'm not exactly sure what was going on in the cosmos over the weekend, but whatever it was it resulted in 10+ of my friends either getting engaged or married!  I suppose I just missed the memo that we were supposed to find our soul mate over the weekend, but none the less I am very happy for all of the lucky couples out there.  One in particular touches my heart in particular.  Now I'll admit that I was in complete disbelief when my cousin told me that her and her long-time boyfriend got married yesterday.  It wasn't so much that I never thought she would do such a thing, it's just that no one was given a heads up.  I still don't think her mother believes it, but it's true.  I approve because they are both great together and the reason they did it was for financial/legal reasons. Since all they did was basically sign a marriage license, I don't count it as a wedding.  Thus, I have been enlisted to help plan her real wedding that will take place a year from now.  Given that wedding planning is my part-time passion I was overjoyed.  In fact after I got over the initial shock I went straight into planner mode.  It's not often that someone in our family gets married so that makes this a very special occasion.  My heart goes out to all of the luck couples, and to my readers get ready for wedding themed posts!

Self Improvement

Hello Readers,
If you've been keeping up with my last few posts you know that I am on a mission to find a meaningful relationship.  The last couple steps I've taken have involved me taking a good hard look at myself and figuring out what I bring to the table.  This next step is also an introspective one:
Step 3: Self-Improvement
Now unless you are Jesus himself, there is room for improvement. This step is not meant for you to be harsh on yourself and make you dwell on your imperfections, but it is important that you are real with yourself.  Just like I had you write down all of your strengths, I want you to write down your weaknesses.  The goal of this step is to take initiative in making yourself a better half.  For example, let's say you have bad credit, your not in healthy physical condition, or you aren't very social, these are all issues that can be fixed with some time and effort.  There is never a obstacle so great that it cannot be overcome.  It helps if you at least recognize it is a problem, from there you can find ways to improve it. It's important to remember that not everything can be solved in a day, some things may take months or even years to fix, but once they are you will feel such a great sense of relief knowing that you overcame a great hurdle.

Ex.  Large amount of debt/Bad Credit:  get in contact with the bank or creditor and come up with a solution to minimize or eliminate your debt.  In this economy many people are having trouble and most companies are willing to work with you.  Make sure to have a reliable source of income and most importantly make a budget for yourself and STICK TO IT!!! You also want to pay yourself first by putting at least 10% in a savings account that can be used for emergencies.

It's vital that you remember that no matter how bad your situation may seem it can be fixed.

Know Your Role

In my last post I introduced some of the steps I'm taking in order to find a meaningful relationship.  Step one was to play up your strengths, I made this the first step because it can be so easy to fall into a negative mindset when thinking of why you're single, this way you are encouraged to think of the positive before even having time to get depressed.  As I sat to make a list of good things about myself I realized that I'm a catch... This is not to sound cocky, but to get you to understand that you are in fact worth it!  Too often I am surrounded my beautiful, intelligent, and successful women who feel that the reason they're single is because they simply aren't qualified.  This couldn't be farther from the truth, the problem isn't in what you lack, but in how you present yourself.  Lacking confidence is the equivalent of smelling like the falafel you had for lunch, you may not realize it, but everyone can smell you.  It's became apparent to me that a good portion of the steps I'm taking aren't necessarily to snag any man I choose, but to make myself a person any man would be proud to call his woman.  After all getting the man is the easy part, it's keeping him that's the challenge.  But don't worry if you follow these steps like I am the man will want to stay.

Step Two:  Know Your Role
Before you even get into a relationship it is important to know what type of woman you are and what type of woman you plan to be for a man.  Let's face it, not everyone is meant to be wifed up, but if you truly feel it's something you deserve, then proclaim it.  Now just because you think you deserve to be someone's girlfriend/wife doesn't mean every man is going to see you that way.  There's nothing wrong with going out and having fun by all means do you! But if you want to be taken serious as a contender for love you have to walk the walk.  The fact is that it's not the wife you see up on a table top shaking for change... you are only offered one first impression, and if you mess that up most people aren't willing to stick around to see what else you offer.  So the homework assignment for tonight is to take a deep look inside and figure out if you're looking for fun or looking for love.  Both are acceptable decisions, but they have very different paths and end results.

Play Up Your Strengths

I have to make a confession.... I was unaware that the dates of Cuffing Season have been changed.  Is is just me or is everyone I meet or already know is either in a relationship, married, having a baby, or anything else that does not indicate being single? The whole thing has had me in a funk the last few weeks because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I'm the last single friend...  As hard as I try I can't shake the feeling that this is depressing news and that I need to take some serious steps to ensure that it doesn't stay this way for long.  Now I'll admit that I haven't been giving relationships a serious thought for quite some time now because I've been solely focused on school, work, networking for my future, trying to remain somewhat social, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Wow, when I write it all out like that it really is a lot, but despite all of that I do know that I need to put some effort into dating because chances are that my dream man will not just fall into my lap.  I'm attempting to come up with a few steps that will ensure that I'm giving myself the best chance at finding someone special.  I might not have the whole series worked out yet, but here is what I have so far.

Step 1:  Play Up Your Strengths

The idea behind this is that no one knows what you do best like you do, and if you're not sure what your strengths are ask someone close to you.  Next you should post them somewhere that you'll see them everyday.  It's the best way I know how to ensure that you won't get down on yourself and think that you have nothing to offer.  And on the off chance you have no strengths work on getting some.  After all, you can't be a full half then any relationship you do get in will never be a whole one.

M.R.S. Degree

As I've gotten older, my observation skills have become more keen to people's characteristics.  I'm able to look at a person and depending on what they're wearing, how they talk, and how they carry themselves I can tell what they're there for.  This is especially evident on a college campus or in the workplace.  Women in particular seem to broadcast their intentions to the public more than men.  For example, it's a Tuesday morning on campus and you see a girl with a full face of makeup, hair whipped, and heels on in your 8am lecture... you already know that she didn't come for books alone.  There are special class of women that come to college or get certain jobs for one specific reason... To get a HUSBAND!  Otherwise known as a M.R.S. Degree.  Now I am in no way knocking these individuals because in theory it makes perfect sense.  In order to attract the most suitable partner one must surround herself with proper suitors.  A college campus is prime hunting grounds for finding a mate because it's assured that the men are educated and ambitious with a likely chance of finding a good paying job after graduation.  The purpose of this post is to inform the rest of you women out there that went to college to make something of yourself that if you plan on finding love in this environment that you need to know your competition.  It's safe to say that women today want it all, a successful career, and loving husband, good kids, and great friends, but with the number of bonafide men dwindling down it is important to know that you have to compete with women who are willing to overlook the degree for love.
Mrs Degree: 

noun: pejorative
1. A marriage as a result of attending a 4-year university with the soul purpose of getting married and consequently not completing college.
2. The attending of college, usually a 4-year university of moderate to high prestige, to get married to avoid independence or responsibility.
3. To go from one's parent's home to the home of a spouse with out ever achieving emotional or financial independence, or academic success.

Here are a few tips on how to spot this woman:

• you never see her without makeup
• unless she is in the gym she is not wearing yoga pants
• makes her presence known to all males upon arrival
• is willing to cook/clean a man's place without being asked (playing the domestic role)
• comes across as a damsel in distress (always the victim- men love to rescue women)

Now I know some of you will read this list and a woman's face will instantly pop into your head, others may look at the list and realize you fall into the category as well, if either of these is the case that's perfectly fine.  The reason I wrote this post is to inform all parties that it is a serious competition to get the life you want and in order to win, you need to know your strengths and put your best pedicured foot forward.

Do Crushes Have Deadlines?

Exactly how long is it acceptable to have a crush on someone? Days? Weeks? Years? You would think that like many things on this planet, crushes would eventually go bad like old milk. I suppose they it would require one to know when this crush developed. What was it that the person said, did, or looked like that initiated these feelings. Then evaluate the extent of the feelings you have for them. Are they simply cute and you like to look at their face, are they funny and nice and you just like to be in their company, or (if you're like me) do you find yourself daydreaming about what your relationship would be like if you two actually started dating? Also ask if you are the type of person who crushes a lot (you're not a playa lol). If you do crush a lot, you're in luck because these feelings a only temporary and will diffuse with time. On the other hand if you tend to linger on one individual for more than a month, you may be in for the long haul. Id even dare to say that after a year of liking someone, you may have unwillingly fallen in love with the person. If this happens then it's safe to say that you may never fully get over a crush.
In the end, I wouldn't fret over liking someone too much. And if you ever tire of liking a person the best way to get over an old flame is to light a new one. Personally I feel like crushes are healthy, it lets you know that you can still feel and that you still have hope for love and romance, and you can't go wrong with that.
P.S. know the difference between crush/ boy/girl crazy/ and thirsty. This is also a critical factor. KNOW YOUR STATUS!