Just a Thought...

As of lately, the reasoning for my single status has been brought into conversation with a few friends of mine.  No matter what we are talking about the subject always turns to how I need to find a man.  While I might disagree on 'NEED' for a man at the time, I can't ignore the fact that I have been single for the past 2+ years.  I hate discussing this topic because the question 'Why are you single?', always pops up.  The fact of the matter is I DON'T KNOW! Honestly, if I had any clue as to why I would probably be able to fix the problem.  Now I've been told many reasons why by others, but if I were to put a complete list together there would be way too many things 'wrong' with me, which would thus lead to a great feeling of helplessness.  And I don't need any of that in my life right now.  Perhaps the most current reason I've been told is that I lack assertiveness.  This one caught me off guard, because in general I thought of myself as an assertive person, but upon further review I realized that I was actually passive in pursuing a relationship.  There was once a time that I didn't think twice about telling a guy how I felt about them, but to most I was seen as nothing more than a good friend/sister.  Inevitably the thought of rejection paralyzed me and I adopted a new mentality that if a man wanted me that he would make the first move.  Unfortunately,  these days quality men are few and far between and like me they have grown afraid of possible rejection.  Thus leading to people like me being in situations where the people like each other, but are too afraid to actually admit to it.  This is sad, because all it takes is one person to be brave enough to take that first step and chances are that the other person has been feeling the same way.  So here is my pledge... if and when it is possible to tell a guy how I feel.  Lets hope that this plan doesn't back fire and ricochet me back to my passive ways.

Self Improvement

Hello Readers,
If you've been keeping up with my last few posts you know that I am on a mission to find a meaningful relationship.  The last couple steps I've taken have involved me taking a good hard look at myself and figuring out what I bring to the table.  This next step is also an introspective one:
Step 3: Self-Improvement
Now unless you are Jesus himself, there is room for improvement. This step is not meant for you to be harsh on yourself and make you dwell on your imperfections, but it is important that you are real with yourself.  Just like I had you write down all of your strengths, I want you to write down your weaknesses.  The goal of this step is to take initiative in making yourself a better half.  For example, let's say you have bad credit, your not in healthy physical condition, or you aren't very social, these are all issues that can be fixed with some time and effort.  There is never a obstacle so great that it cannot be overcome.  It helps if you at least recognize it is a problem, from there you can find ways to improve it. It's important to remember that not everything can be solved in a day, some things may take months or even years to fix, but once they are you will feel such a great sense of relief knowing that you overcame a great hurdle.

Ex.  Large amount of debt/Bad Credit:  get in contact with the bank or creditor and come up with a solution to minimize or eliminate your debt.  In this economy many people are having trouble and most companies are willing to work with you.  Make sure to have a reliable source of income and most importantly make a budget for yourself and STICK TO IT!!! You also want to pay yourself first by putting at least 10% in a savings account that can be used for emergencies.

It's vital that you remember that no matter how bad your situation may seem it can be fixed.

Know Your Role

In my last post I introduced some of the steps I'm taking in order to find a meaningful relationship.  Step one was to play up your strengths, I made this the first step because it can be so easy to fall into a negative mindset when thinking of why you're single, this way you are encouraged to think of the positive before even having time to get depressed.  As I sat to make a list of good things about myself I realized that I'm a catch... This is not to sound cocky, but to get you to understand that you are in fact worth it!  Too often I am surrounded my beautiful, intelligent, and successful women who feel that the reason they're single is because they simply aren't qualified.  This couldn't be farther from the truth, the problem isn't in what you lack, but in how you present yourself.  Lacking confidence is the equivalent of smelling like the falafel you had for lunch, you may not realize it, but everyone can smell you.  It's became apparent to me that a good portion of the steps I'm taking aren't necessarily to snag any man I choose, but to make myself a person any man would be proud to call his woman.  After all getting the man is the easy part, it's keeping him that's the challenge.  But don't worry if you follow these steps like I am the man will want to stay.

Step Two:  Know Your Role
Before you even get into a relationship it is important to know what type of woman you are and what type of woman you plan to be for a man.  Let's face it, not everyone is meant to be wifed up, but if you truly feel it's something you deserve, then proclaim it.  Now just because you think you deserve to be someone's girlfriend/wife doesn't mean every man is going to see you that way.  There's nothing wrong with going out and having fun by all means do you! But if you want to be taken serious as a contender for love you have to walk the walk.  The fact is that it's not the wife you see up on a table top shaking for change... you are only offered one first impression, and if you mess that up most people aren't willing to stick around to see what else you offer.  So the homework assignment for tonight is to take a deep look inside and figure out if you're looking for fun or looking for love.  Both are acceptable decisions, but they have very different paths and end results.

Play Up Your Strengths

I have to make a confession.... I was unaware that the dates of Cuffing Season have been changed.  Is is just me or is everyone I meet or already know is either in a relationship, married, having a baby, or anything else that does not indicate being single? The whole thing has had me in a funk the last few weeks because it wasn't until recently that I realized that I'm the last single friend...  As hard as I try I can't shake the feeling that this is depressing news and that I need to take some serious steps to ensure that it doesn't stay this way for long.  Now I'll admit that I haven't been giving relationships a serious thought for quite some time now because I've been solely focused on school, work, networking for my future, trying to remain somewhat social, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Wow, when I write it all out like that it really is a lot, but despite all of that I do know that I need to put some effort into dating because chances are that my dream man will not just fall into my lap.  I'm attempting to come up with a few steps that will ensure that I'm giving myself the best chance at finding someone special.  I might not have the whole series worked out yet, but here is what I have so far.

Step 1:  Play Up Your Strengths

The idea behind this is that no one knows what you do best like you do, and if you're not sure what your strengths are ask someone close to you.  Next you should post them somewhere that you'll see them everyday.  It's the best way I know how to ensure that you won't get down on yourself and think that you have nothing to offer.  And on the off chance you have no strengths work on getting some.  After all, you can't be a full half then any relationship you do get in will never be a whole one.

M.R.S. Degree

As I've gotten older, my observation skills have become more keen to people's characteristics.  I'm able to look at a person and depending on what they're wearing, how they talk, and how they carry themselves I can tell what they're there for.  This is especially evident on a college campus or in the workplace.  Women in particular seem to broadcast their intentions to the public more than men.  For example, it's a Tuesday morning on campus and you see a girl with a full face of makeup, hair whipped, and heels on in your 8am lecture... you already know that she didn't come for books alone.  There are special class of women that come to college or get certain jobs for one specific reason... To get a HUSBAND!  Otherwise known as a M.R.S. Degree.  Now I am in no way knocking these individuals because in theory it makes perfect sense.  In order to attract the most suitable partner one must surround herself with proper suitors.  A college campus is prime hunting grounds for finding a mate because it's assured that the men are educated and ambitious with a likely chance of finding a good paying job after graduation.  The purpose of this post is to inform the rest of you women out there that went to college to make something of yourself that if you plan on finding love in this environment that you need to know your competition.  It's safe to say that women today want it all, a successful career, and loving husband, good kids, and great friends, but with the number of bonafide men dwindling down it is important to know that you have to compete with women who are willing to overlook the degree for love.
Mrs Degree: 

noun: pejorative
1. A marriage as a result of attending a 4-year university with the soul purpose of getting married and consequently not completing college.
2. The attending of college, usually a 4-year university of moderate to high prestige, to get married to avoid independence or responsibility.
3. To go from one's parent's home to the home of a spouse with out ever achieving emotional or financial independence, or academic success.

Here are a few tips on how to spot this woman:

• you never see her without makeup
• unless she is in the gym she is not wearing yoga pants
• makes her presence known to all males upon arrival
• is willing to cook/clean a man's place without being asked (playing the domestic role)
• comes across as a damsel in distress (always the victim- men love to rescue women)

Now I know some of you will read this list and a woman's face will instantly pop into your head, others may look at the list and realize you fall into the category as well, if either of these is the case that's perfectly fine.  The reason I wrote this post is to inform all parties that it is a serious competition to get the life you want and in order to win, you need to know your strengths and put your best pedicured foot forward.

Relationship Status

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are really interested in someone and seem to have great chemistry, just to find out that they are in a relationship?  I hate it when I make an effort to get to know someone, realize we're actually compatible, try my best to flirt and try not to spill anything on my shirt all for a man that's already spoken for.  I feel like people should walk around with signs or something that let you know if they're in a relationship, looking for one, if they're interested in you or not, and whether it would even be worth your time.  It would save a lot of time and effort on my part.  When it comes to dating I'm usually at a loss.  I can never figure out if a guy likes me or not, and if I like a guy I tend to either come on too strong or seem too cold.  I need a manual.  Now I won't say that I need to go on Tough Love like some of my friends would suggest, but I could use some guidance. I could also use a larger pool of guys to choose from, but I'll stick with the basics for now lol.  Everyone needs to take it upon themselves to inform the people around them whether they're taken or not.  Unfortunately for single girls it seems that all the good ones have been claimed already, but we can't give up.  I'll just have to chalk my last encounter up as a loss because I'm not one to actively seek out a taken man.  But I will say this, these girls out here in relationships better be happy I'm no homewrecker because Lord knows I can't say the same for others.

Do Crushes Have Deadlines?

Exactly how long is it acceptable to have a crush on someone? Days? Weeks? Years? You would think that like many things on this planet, crushes would eventually go bad like old milk. I suppose they it would require one to know when this crush developed. What was it that the person said, did, or looked like that initiated these feelings. Then evaluate the extent of the feelings you have for them. Are they simply cute and you like to look at their face, are they funny and nice and you just like to be in their company, or (if you're like me) do you find yourself daydreaming about what your relationship would be like if you two actually started dating? Also ask if you are the type of person who crushes a lot (you're not a playa lol). If you do crush a lot, you're in luck because these feelings a only temporary and will diffuse with time. On the other hand if you tend to linger on one individual for more than a month, you may be in for the long haul. Id even dare to say that after a year of liking someone, you may have unwillingly fallen in love with the person. If this happens then it's safe to say that you may never fully get over a crush.
In the end, I wouldn't fret over liking someone too much. And if you ever tire of liking a person the best way to get over an old flame is to light a new one. Personally I feel like crushes are healthy, it lets you know that you can still feel and that you still have hope for love and romance, and you can't go wrong with that.
P.S. know the difference between crush/ boy/girl crazy/ and thirsty. This is also a critical factor. KNOW YOUR STATUS!