90 Day Rule for the birds?

At this point I'm sure that everyone knows about Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. For those of you who don't, it's a basic breakdown of the male POV on relationships and women.  I bought this book as soon as it came out, because like most women I considered myself clueless on how to interpret men's words and actions.  I was only like 20 at the time and whenever I needed advice on men I would run to my best male friend or my girlfriends, all of which were around the same age.  Through trial and error it became clear to me that none of us knew anything, and my male friend would tell me one thing about men, then contradict it with his actions.  Needless to say I was confused.  Any-who, a major topic of discussion was about sex.  Questions like: when is it ok to have it? does sex= a relationship? and how many people can one sleep with before being considered a hoe?  Lots of questions, with lots of responses, but none of them were quality answers.  In Harvey's book, he mentions the 90 day rule.  Basically, a woman should make a man wait 3 months before having sex with him.    He compares it being on a probationary period at a new job, where you aren't given full benefits until the 90 period is up.  In theory this makes sense.  Of course in our overtly sexual society 90 days can seem like 90 years, especially when compared to everything else that can be accessed instantly.  So the question is, Is 90 days too long or too short of a time to wait to have sex with someone?  The answer varies for different people.  I feel that it makes a decent guideline for people to go by, but it's important not to get caught up in the number of days, but instead focus on the quality of the days.  This time should be spent getting to know a person on a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level.  That means actually having conversations and spending time with one another.  Too often people are willing to settle on the shallow facts of a person, like are they in college, do they have a job, do they have kids, height, eye color, blah, blah, blah... When someone asks you about the person you're dating you should be able to tell them what type of person they are, not just what car they drive and how much money they have in the bank.  Now this process can vary in time depending on the couples' efficiency level.  Some questions like what are your long-term and short-term goals? can be answered on the first date.  The 90 day rule doesn't encourage you to sit around for 3 months doing nothing just to have sex as soon as the time is up and still not know what type of person you're dealing with.  The purpose would have been lost.  In the end, you can either take the rule or leave it, but if you are looking to start a relationship you have to at least know what type of person you are dealing with before you take such a big step ie. sex.  Also you have to remember that some people just ain't shit... it's a fact of life. #kanyeshrug

Do I Ever Cross Your Mind???

Do you ever find yourself reminiscing over a past flame and asking "what if"?  Well it seems that my friends and I had this in common over the last few days.  It seems that we have all been thinking back on our dating past/present and thinking about the people that have influenced us.  After catching myself deep in thought over a particular individual a shocking thought appeared in my mind... Does he ever think about me?  It's a fair question, a lot of times we can focus so much of our attention on someone else and the think very little about whether they are worried about us.  Perhaps we don't like to think about it because we will be faced with the fact that maybe they don't think about us at all.  It can be depressing when you think that no one is out there thinking about you as much as you think about them.  You could have spent many restless nights wondering what the outcome would've been if you would've asked the person out, told them how you felt, or just done something different.  The fact is that we can become overwhelmed with the 'what if'.  If given the chance I can guarantee that everyone would've done something different.  We must all remember that we did what we thought was best at the time and we have to live with our decisions.  Everyone can look like a genius when staring at things in hindsight, but in order to live your life to its fullest potential you can not spend too much time in the past.  Besides, even if the person you are thinking about isn't thinking of you, it doesn't mean that someone else special isn't.