Know Your Role

In my last post I introduced some of the steps I'm taking in order to find a meaningful relationship.  Step one was to play up your strengths, I made this the first step because it can be so easy to fall into a negative mindset when thinking of why you're single, this way you are encouraged to think of the positive before even having time to get depressed.  As I sat to make a list of good things about myself I realized that I'm a catch... This is not to sound cocky, but to get you to understand that you are in fact worth it!  Too often I am surrounded my beautiful, intelligent, and successful women who feel that the reason they're single is because they simply aren't qualified.  This couldn't be farther from the truth, the problem isn't in what you lack, but in how you present yourself.  Lacking confidence is the equivalent of smelling like the falafel you had for lunch, you may not realize it, but everyone can smell you.  It's became apparent to me that a good portion of the steps I'm taking aren't necessarily to snag any man I choose, but to make myself a person any man would be proud to call his woman.  After all getting the man is the easy part, it's keeping him that's the challenge.  But don't worry if you follow these steps like I am the man will want to stay.

Step Two:  Know Your Role
Before you even get into a relationship it is important to know what type of woman you are and what type of woman you plan to be for a man.  Let's face it, not everyone is meant to be wifed up, but if you truly feel it's something you deserve, then proclaim it.  Now just because you think you deserve to be someone's girlfriend/wife doesn't mean every man is going to see you that way.  There's nothing wrong with going out and having fun by all means do you! But if you want to be taken serious as a contender for love you have to walk the walk.  The fact is that it's not the wife you see up on a table top shaking for change... you are only offered one first impression, and if you mess that up most people aren't willing to stick around to see what else you offer.  So the homework assignment for tonight is to take a deep look inside and figure out if you're looking for fun or looking for love.  Both are acceptable decisions, but they have very different paths and end results.

We Got a Thing For You Too Chester French!

Black Girls- Chester French.  I have been rocking out to this song since its release last week.  Can't help but love a song about interracial love, especially when it's a white boy proclaiming his love for black girls.  I know there's bound to be controversy over this song with the public because people are always looking for the negative in things.  I for one LOVE this song!  We all have our preferences, but what black girl can deny ever liking a cute white boy? I can't.  So for that I applaud you Chester French (it's a group) and look forward to your upcoming album. 

Warning:  This video is meant for mature audiences only due to it's overtly sexual content and all around raunchiness lol.

90 Day Rule for the birds?

At this point I'm sure that everyone knows about Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. For those of you who don't, it's a basic breakdown of the male POV on relationships and women.  I bought this book as soon as it came out, because like most women I considered myself clueless on how to interpret men's words and actions.  I was only like 20 at the time and whenever I needed advice on men I would run to my best male friend or my girlfriends, all of which were around the same age.  Through trial and error it became clear to me that none of us knew anything, and my male friend would tell me one thing about men, then contradict it with his actions.  Needless to say I was confused.  Any-who, a major topic of discussion was about sex.  Questions like: when is it ok to have it? does sex= a relationship? and how many people can one sleep with before being considered a hoe?  Lots of questions, with lots of responses, but none of them were quality answers.  In Harvey's book, he mentions the 90 day rule.  Basically, a woman should make a man wait 3 months before having sex with him.    He compares it being on a probationary period at a new job, where you aren't given full benefits until the 90 period is up.  In theory this makes sense.  Of course in our overtly sexual society 90 days can seem like 90 years, especially when compared to everything else that can be accessed instantly.  So the question is, Is 90 days too long or too short of a time to wait to have sex with someone?  The answer varies for different people.  I feel that it makes a decent guideline for people to go by, but it's important not to get caught up in the number of days, but instead focus on the quality of the days.  This time should be spent getting to know a person on a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level.  That means actually having conversations and spending time with one another.  Too often people are willing to settle on the shallow facts of a person, like are they in college, do they have a job, do they have kids, height, eye color, blah, blah, blah... When someone asks you about the person you're dating you should be able to tell them what type of person they are, not just what car they drive and how much money they have in the bank.  Now this process can vary in time depending on the couples' efficiency level.  Some questions like what are your long-term and short-term goals? can be answered on the first date.  The 90 day rule doesn't encourage you to sit around for 3 months doing nothing just to have sex as soon as the time is up and still not know what type of person you're dealing with.  The purpose would have been lost.  In the end, you can either take the rule or leave it, but if you are looking to start a relationship you have to at least know what type of person you are dealing with before you take such a big step ie. sex.  Also you have to remember that some people just ain't shit... it's a fact of life. #kanyeshrug