Looking back on all of my encounters with the opposite sex two things come to mind: 1) I tend to really like having them around 2) they tend to love having me around... AS A FRIEND!!! Anyone who has ever been placed in that 'Friend-Zone' spot knows exactly what I'm talking about. Well in my opinion this problem seems to only really get attention when it is coming from the guys point of view. When I was looking up some different articles discussing the 'Friend-Zone' it is almost always written by a guy who was placed in that position by a girl. Given that I am a female and not a male it is just kind-of hard to relate to all of their stories. My life story has been the 'friend', which sucks because it leaves me settling for guys who are sub-standard. I'm naturally a really nice person and it's always seemed easier to be friends with a guy over being friend with a girl because it always gave me less drama, that is until I started liking boys! I think it all started back in grade school, I had a best friend named Tasha and we were basically like sisters, we did everything together, played the same sports, liked the same music, went to the same summer camps. It was at these summer camps that I first realized that although to us it seemed that we did everything the same way, the boys would always try to get me to hook them up with her. They always liked her more even though we were soo alike! She would always have a boyfriend, and because her and the boy were always together that meant that he was always around the two of us (thus giving my exposure to third-wheeling). After hanging out with him he would always be like "man alicia you're soo cool" "alicia you're just a really great person" "alicia I really like hanging out with you because you just understand me" and this would continue even after the boy and tasha would break up. In my head it would have only been natural for the guy to want to be with me because he claimed to always like being around me, but no, instead he'd prefer to be in the relationship with my friend even when they started to hate each other. This scenario has been a constant in my life since then. And it really became a problem because stuff like that can mess with your self-esteem. Whenever a guy would finally show interest in me (usually sub-par men) i would feel compelled to give him a shot just because he's the only that will show interest at all. This is the cause of me having dated all of these 'Sherms'!!! I have finally decided to do something about this borderline disorder that I have so I came up with a few guidelines that should help:
-Stop being nice all the time
-Stop doing stuff for them that has no benefit to you
-Hang around with some other guys, maybe even get intimate with a few of them
-Start acting like you could care less if he likes you, or has sex with you
-Start teasing and being physically playful
-Make it clear from the beginning that you want more than just friendship
Of coarse this is not a guaranteed way to avoid and get out of the 'Friend Zone', but it is a start. It's kinda sad when I could almost got through my entire Rolodex and every male in there consider me to be a great 'Friend' but not actual 'girlfriend' material. Another thing that has to be kept in mind that perhaps with some people it is just best to walk away completely, because who really just wants to sit around listening to a guy complain about how horrible women are as if you aren't a woman yourself, or hear them talk about every conquest they've made. The fact is that some men will always and forever view you as nothing more than a friend. But there are some exceptions, sometimes it really is best to just stay friends especially if a genuine friendship has been forged during you stay in the 'Friend Zone'. This is perfectly fine as long as you realize that that is all it will be and can focus your attention on someone else.
Just keep in mind that though it may be hard and go against your nature, you can always leave the infamous 'Friend Zone' just be prepared to possibly lose a good friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment